10 SEX SECRETS OF ALL TIME

1. A great sex life is about one thing and one thing only: a decision. There are so many reasons to not have great sex, and I know you know all of those. Instead, make a list of 10 reasons to have a sensual encounter with your husband.
—Mama Gena's Marriage Manual: Stop Being a Good Wife, Start Being a Sister Goddess! by Regena Thomashauer

2. Read trashy novels aloud. It's a great way to skip dinner and a movie and move right into intimacy. It can bring a playful spirit of romance back into your relationship, and it allows you to live out the fantasy, minus the costume, with a sense of humor. The more melodramatic, the better! As the heroine rips her dress off, you can yank off your sweatshirt for effect.
—Eat Chocolate Naked: and 142 Other Ways to Attract Attention and Spark Romance! by Cam Johnson

3. Make one true connection a day. For example, maybe you kiss your husband good-bye every morning. Slow it down. Maintain eye contact. I'm just talking about maybe 45 seconds here. It can't be perfunctory; you have to feel you've deliberately done something to create a little bubble in time and for a moment float away in it.
—The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love in a Time-Starved World by Mira Kirshenbaum

4. The sexiest look on earth: jewelry...and nothing else.
—The Great American Sex Diet by Laura Corn

5. Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax. But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the coital alignment technique, or CAT. Have your partner move his entire body up about two inches. Your partner's pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm.
—Sexual Pleasure: Reaching New Heights of Sexual Arousal & Intimacy by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.


6. Foreplay is about sparking the imagination, creating a sense of anticipation. So help your guy take foreplay out of the bedroom. Give him a "lingerie assignment": Call him up in the middle of the day and tell him to come home with the accoutrements of his choice. By the time he completes his mission, he'll be begging for the sequel.
—He Comes Next by Ian Kerner, Ph.D. (he's also the author of She Comes First)

7. Women tend to separate their lives — when they are being mothers, they are just mothers; when they are working, they are just at work. Stop compartmentalizing and try thinking about sex more often. When you are walking down the street and see an attractive man, try to think about it for a split second. Be aware of the different sensations in your genitals when you are watching that next romantic movie. For the next month, concentrate on what you find erotic about your partner. Look for small things, like the curve of a neck, his hair, a smile, a particular look, etc. Incorporating sex into your life doesn't mean incorporating the sexual act into your life 24 hours a day — it means incorporating a sense of sexuality into your life and opening your mind to the sexual energy that's around you.
—Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman: Ten Keys to Unlocking Ultimate Pleasure by Jennifer Berman, M.D., and Laura Berman, Ph.D.

8. A man's frenulum is the quarter-size area on the underside of his penis. Stimulating this spot will elicit tremendous, intense sensations. So ladies, when you happen to be hovering in the general vicinity, remember to pay attention to this sensational area of his anatomy.
—The Great Lover Playbook: 365 Sexual Tips and Techniques to Keep the Fires Burning All Year Long by Lou Paget

9. The reason strippers are comfortable with their bodies is that they spend 40 hours a week naked. The more time you can spend naked, then, the more comfortable you will feel with your body. Pick a chore you do around the house — washing the breakfast dishes after you pack the kids off to school, putting in a load of laundry or filing old bills — then do it naked. It may seem ridiculous, but it will increase your comfort level with your own body in a way that agonizing and analyzing never will.
—Dance Naked: A Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Hottie by Jessica "Kayla" Conrad

10. To have multiple orgasms, keep breathing as you feel yourself reaching your peak. Do you tend to hold your breath? Most of us do. To have a second orgasm, breathe through the first; your body can stay aroused, keeping blood in the genitals rather than rushing it up to your oxygen-deprived brain.
—The Best You'll Ever Have: What Every Woman Should Know About Getting and Giving Knock-Your-Socks-Off Sex by Shannon Mullen and Valerie Frankel

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WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM MULTIPLE ORGASM

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HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN AFTER A DIVORCE

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce

Joint custody arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, can be exhausting and infuriating. It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history you may have with your ex and overcome any built-up resentment. Making shared decisions, interacting with each another at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you’d rather forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. But while it’s true that co-parenting isn’t an easy solution, it is the best way to ensure your children’s needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents.

It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children's needs ahead of your own.
Co-parenting is the best option for your children

Through your parenting partnership, your kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended the marriage—and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances. Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship:

    Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, kids adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and have better self-esteem.
    Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.
    Better understand problem solving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.
    Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Setting hurt and anger aside

Need More Help with DepressionNeed More Help with Divorce?
Helpguide's Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit can help.

The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.
Separating feelings from behavior

It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.

    Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.
    Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.
    Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Children in the middle

You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child's. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children.

    Never use kids as messengers. When you have your child tell the other parent something for you, it puts him or her in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.
    Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Communicating with your ex
Keeping stress in check—no matter what life bringsRelieving stress in the moment—no matter who you’re dealing with

It may seem impossible to stay calm when dealing with a difficult ex-spouse who’s hurt you in the past or has a real knack for pushing your buttons. But by practicing quick stress relief techniques, you can learn to stay in control when the pressure builds.

Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s well-being. Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

Communication with your ex is likely to be a tough task. Remember that it isn’t always necessary to meet your ex in person—speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or emails is fine for the majority of conversations. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you. Whether talking via email, phone, or in person, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective communication:

    Set a business-like tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “business” is your children’s well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality, respect, and neutrality. Relax and talk slowly.

    Make requests. Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as requests. Requests can begin "Would you be willing to…?" or “Can we try…?”

    Listen. Communicating with maturity starts with listening. Even if you end up disagreeing with the other parent, you should at least be able to convey to your ex that you’ve understood his or her point of view. And listening does not signify approval, so you won’t lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his or her opinions.

    Show restraint. Keep in mind that communicating with one another is going to be necessary for the length of your children's entire childhood—if not longer. You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and over time you can become numb to the buttons he or she tries to push.

    Commit to meeting/talking consistently. Frequent communication with your ex will convey the message to your children that you and their other parent are a united front. This may be extremely difficult in the early stages of your divorce or separation.

    Keep conversations kid-focused. You can control the content of your communication. Never let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about your needs or his/her needs; it should always be about your child's needs only.

Improving the relationship with your ex

If you are truly ready to rebuild trust after a separation or divorce, be sincere about your efforts. Remember your children’s best interests as you move forward to improve your relationship.

    Ask his or her opinion. This fairly simple technique can effectively jump-start positive communications between you and your ex. Take an issue that you don't feel strongly about, and ask for your ex's input, showing that you value his or her input.

    Apologize. When you’re sorry about something, take the time to apologize sincerely—even if the incident happened a long time ago. Apologizing can be very powerful in moving your relationship away from being adversaries.

    Chill out. If a special outing with your ex is going to cut into your time with your child by an hour, graciously let it be. Remember that it’s all about what is best for your child; plus, when you show flexibility, your ex is more likely to be flexible with you.

7 WAYS TO KEEP BREATHING AFTER A DIVORCE

While movies and magazines can make flying solo sound like some kind of terminal illness, the truth is, spending time on your own is often a great way to rediscover the one person who has been there for you through it all—you! After the divorce is final, here are seven things to do with a wonderful you as you recreate the life you always wanted.

1. Browse the book aisles

Head over to your local book store, order a frothy cappuccino or creamy hot chocolate and wander from section-to-section. Check out new ways to redecorate your pad in the design section, visit far-away locales in the travel section or mosey on over to the classics to catch up on old favorites.

2. Unleash your inner artist

Pop into your local paint-it-yourself store and spend a day nurturing your inner Van Gogh. Most locations offer a wide variety of ceramic ware to choose from and most include paint, stencils, brushes and firing in the price. Color Me Mine is a national chain with locations all over the country. Visit colormemine.com to find the one closest to you.

3. Take yourself on a picnic

Pack yourself a gourmet lunch, grab a blanket and your favorite book (or a stack of magazines) for an afternoon spent under the shadiest tree you can find.

4. Host a movie marathon

Is there anything more comforting than an evening in your favorite pajamas, curled up on your couch, watching something that makes you laugh, cry or think? Load up on your favorite treats and pick out two or three movies with a running theme. Our Pick: Feisty Women (Barefoot Contessa starring Ava Gardner, All About Eve with Bette Davis and A Streetcar Named Desire with Vivian Leigh).

5. Teach yourself something new

Twist your tongue into something saucy with at-home French, Italian or Spanish Lesson or turn up the heat by closing those shades and learning some sultry new Salsa moves on DVD.

6. Get moving!

Lose the “No Pain, No Gain” ideology and give yourself a chance to enjoy recess at the gym, in the park or around the block. Take a long walk around town, pop onto the treadmill or elliptical for a half an hour or hop on your bike and discover a new trail. Not only will you release feel-good endorphins but you will be giving yourself the gift of health.

7. Start blogging

Log onto blogger.com and create a site where you can share your passion for food, poetry or your favorite travel spots with friends and readers from all over the world.

7 KILLER SECRETS TO LASTING LONGER IN BED

You can get something out of this whether you intend to use the program or not and please feel free to contact me should you have any questions or comments.

Breathing and relaxation techniques are a simple way to last longer

One of the quickest and simplest ways to make an improvement to your lasting time is to ensure your are breathing correctly both before and during intercourse.
Now if you're like most guys with premature ejaculation chances are you're getting this dead wrong and it can really sabotage your efforts to make it through the all important early stages of intercourse.
There's a lot more to it than just taking deep breaths, but the good news is it's relative easy to learn the correct techniques once you know what to focus on. Unlike some of the more advanced methods I teach to help men last longer in bed (which can take a few weeks to master) guys can generally pick this up within an hour, which means it can start helping you out straight away.
Once you've got the breathing down pat you can turn it up a notch with a few easy relaxation and meditative techniques that, once learned will ensure you get through the crucial first 5 minutes of intercourse.

Ejaculatory muscle control

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself "What physically causes me to ejaculate?" If you're like most of the guys I coach to last longer in bed, the answer will be a resounding "No".
It all comes down to one muscle. The pubococcygeus or PC muscle which is physically responsible for pushing out your ejaculation. And get this... when this muscle is in a relaxed state it is physically impossible for you to ejaculate.
So the key is to learn how to keep the PC muscle relaxed. Now this isn't as easy as it sounds because this muscle is one of the most difficult in the body to control, but it can be done through a range of specific exercises. It can take up to 4 weeks to get this right, but once you do, you'll understand how it's the key to going beyond just delaying your ejaculation, and taking complete control, so that you can decide exactly when you are ready to finish, every time.

Creating mental control and confidence

In the old days, premature ejaculation was often entirely put down to mental issues, and men with PE were prescribed sessions with psychiatrists or even hypnotherapy. As you might guess, this didn't work very well and you have to feel for guys with premature ejaculation in those days who didn't have access to the type of information and training systems that are available today.
While we now understand that premature ejaculation is primarily physical and can be reduced through training and exercises. That doesn't mean that the mental side of it is not important. It is.
The way you manage your thoughts and confidence levels during intercourse can make a big difference, and can sabotage your other efforts to last longer in bed when not kept in check.
But remember, this isn't about correcting some deep rooted psychological abnormality lurking at the back of your mind, because I can tell you now that just isn't the case. In fact all guys, weather they suffer from premature ejaculation or not can benefit learning how to regulate thoughts, perceptions and confidence levels during sex.

Understanding your sexual responses and how to take action

It may not seem like it right now, but your body is actually on your side. It wants you to be able to last longer in bed which is why it sends you a range on subtle signals. The problem is that most guys are completely oblivious to them and let the messages go straight through to the catcher.
It's not difficult to learn how to read your sexual response system and once you can, you'll realize how easy it can be to make a small change that can shut problems down right at the source, before they have the chance to influence the ejaculatory muscles.

How to get yourself in the zone - The key to maintaining control during hard, pounding sessions

Now when I first explain this next skill most guys don't get it. But once you begin to understand how this helps everything "click" into place you will realize that it's one of the most powerful skills you can develop to remove that anxiousness of thinking about the clock and putting yourself right into the moment so you can enjoy every bit of it.
You see most guys (and even a few so called experts) who don't really understand how your sexual response system works will often tell you to try to distract yourself during intercourse, yet as I explain in my Beyond Delay program you need to be doing the opposite and tuning right in.
By taking your thoughts away from just you're genitals and your perceived sensation on them and transferring them to your whole body experience you will relax and get into that "lost in the moment" type state.
This skill is also the key to maintain control during hard pounding love-making sessions so I know most of you guys are going to love this.

Sexual techniques and tactics

You will be shocked at how much of an impact various positions can have on your ability to last in bed and there is a very good reason for this. While every guy is different, as a rule the positions that will cause you to ejaculate sooner are ones that require you to tense muscles in a few specific areas. In my program I'll show you exactly which positions can cause problems and how to modify them to correct this.
Once you are a few weeks into my course you should have built up your other skills to such a degree that you can maintain control during any position and tempo. Still you will find this useful up until then as it will allow you to keep a solid pace during sex without you needing to carry on with that stopping and starting business that women hate.

Instant cool down methods that stop the clock

I'm sure you recognize the feeling only too well. Your heart rate jumps, you feel your stomach muscles tense up and you realize you are fast approaching the point of no return, all too aware that there's nothing you can do to stop it.
It's for moments like these that knowing some instant cool down methods is vital. There's a range of quick steps you can take that will cool your system down fast and they can all be learned in just minutes, meaning you can put them into action right away.
It's also a great feeling knowing you have these "up your sleeve", whether you use them or not, so you can just relax in the knowledge that no matter what happens you are prepared with an extra line of defence. Don't even think about getting into bed without have these in your bag of tricks.

Putting it into action

If you think you can benefit by learning these skills for yourself and putting them into action you can learn more about the Beyond Delay program and whether or not it's right for you right here.

NATURAL WAYS TO GROW YOUR PENNIS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW

How To Grow Your Penis - Get A 7-9 Inch Penis With Advanced Penis Exercises (Not To Be Missed)

Understanding how to grow your penis can consider persistence and time, guys who feel it will just take place quickly are not in the know. The reality is you can take a seven-9 inch penis with innovative penis physical exercises. This report on how to grow your penis with no any supplements, extenders or hanging weights is not to be missed.

We all have now arrive to accept that most girls desire males with an organ that is at minimum seven-9 inches and quite challenging. So not only is dimensions critical but erections are just as crucial. This wherever sophisticated penis workout routines can support you obtain all your enlargement ambitions.

Penis Exercise Are a hundred% Normal And Side Impact No cost

We have been advised to prevent harmless and most likely unsafe factors when trying enlargement. So if you want to find out how to grow your penis really don't try probably harmless things like hanging weights or medical procedures. Penis workouts really don't set you under any chance of harm and due to the fact they are hand tactics there is no chance of side results. Hundreds of adult males have gro wn more substantial and arrived at that magic seven-9 inches with exercise regimes.

Verified Strategies That Will Add Inches Quickly.

When you embark on an superior penis exercise plan its principal goal is to educate you Confirmed methods that will add inches to your organ Quick and develop erection power. The top quality exercise regimes have Jelqing incorporated. This is a very productive male penis exercise that has been functioning for Countless numbers of a long time. You understand particular hand tactics which allow you to discover how to grow your penis. They are all to do with stretching, pulling, keeping and extending.

Good results Assured Or Funds Back again

These innovative physical exercises guarantee promise Achievement or Cash Back again. The hottest marketing plans carry lengthy returns, so you could truly be making use of the plan for 3 months and then choose that you are not content for no matter what purpose. The organization will nevertheless return your Funds. In terms of the male enlargement sector it really is not typically that a single product assures y ou in that method.

One particular  Penis stretching system

The stretching system is 1 of the most potent instruments you can use to obtain inches to your manhood dimension. As the identify goes, the system virtually stretches your penis to generate a all-natural boost in its bodily dimensions over time.

What this stretching action does to your male organ is to split the cells which make up the major blood chambers of your penis. This makes it possible for for far more blood to keep in the chambers, which effortlessly benefits in your penis getting physically larger.

The penis stretching system is by far the very best way to go above acquiring your manhood to improve in dimensions. But due to the fact it is high-priced (costing a handful of hundred bucks every single), it will become reasonably out of achieve for most guys.

two - Penis working out

A less high-priced substitute to the stretching instrument is to basically execute certain working out steps onto your male organ. Due to the fact you only make use of your fingers to do the workout routines, it does not cost you something at all!

The simple principle behind how working out operates is quite significantly related to how the penis stretching system functions. Of program, you do have to place in a bit far more bodily effort to execute the required stretching and massaging steps concerned in the workouts.

But penis working out provides you about merely a dimensions makeover to your manhood. Working out your male organ en hances its wellness and power, providing you more difficult and lengthier-lasting erections and creating your penis look a lot more masculine.

Without having any query, this boost in your penis dimension and enhanced sex well being will undoubtedly make you a far better lover and your girl go gaga over you in bed!

There are expertly and professionally made physical exercises regimes that can take you that seven-9 inch penis Quickly. All it calls for is six-ten minutes of your time every single day. You ought to be typical and focused. If you keep dedicated and comply with out all the recommendations as informed there can be no cause why Good results will not arrive your way.

Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?

It's really hard to get erections when I'm trying to [have intercourse]. Takes about 20 minutes or so to get it up. Really embarrassing. But if I'm sitting and watching my pornz, it's almost instant.—Porn user in his 20s

Are you a heavy porn user who, during lovemaking, cannot consistently produce/sustain an erection or penetrate a real partner, feel much sensation, or climax (without difficulty)? If your doctor has ruled out organic causes for your woes, he/she is likely to hand you a trial pack of Viagra and refer you to counseling for your "sexual issues." The medical assumption is that your issue is psychological (performance anxiety) rather than physiological. After all, if you can get it up for porn, your penile health is fine.

Growing evidence suggests that the problem is indeed in your head, not your penis, but that it is primarily physical. Specifically, overstimulation has produced plastic changes in your brain, which make you less responsive to pleasure—and yet hyper-responsive to Internet porn. These addiction-related changes are called desensitization and sensitization, respectively. Together, they explain why porn does the job and your hot babe doesn't. Update: Dr. Oz Show addresses porn-induced erectile dysfunction January 31, 2013.

Before you panic, know that these brain changes appear to be reversible—most easily in guys who wired to real sex before highspeed Internet arrived. Guys who stop masturbating to porn generally regain their responsiveness during sex within a few months  (often after a nasty withdrawal and a disconcerting, temporary absence of libido):

(Age 30, 4 months) From the reboot standpoint, I'm doing spectacular! Any time my girlfriend and I make out, caress etc., I get rock hard and it lasts. I really just don't worry about penile function anymore.

If performance problems are plaguing you, take this simple test. Do your problems appear to be porn-related? Keep reading to learn more about the changes going on in your brain. Otherwise, you may erroneously conclude that if you can climax to porn, you don't have a problem, and that the problem lies in your alcohol use or your partner's behavior or looks, or solely in your anxious feelings. You may spend thousands of dollars on counseling, or resort to costly, and increasingly ineffective, sexual enhancement drugs—and still be left with your problem:

I never had a problem getting hard for porn, but when it came to the real thing, I started taking Cialis. Over time, I took more, and even then there were times when it would only partly work. WTH? Yet I could still get hard to porn.

Why is Mr. Happy ignoring hotties?

With Internet porn it's easy to overstimulate your brain. Each search, each novel image, each surprising visual, each new genre, and sexual arousal itself all release dopamine in your reward circuitry. Dopamine is the gas that powers the reward circuitry and it equates with desire, anticipation, cravings, and wanting something in particular.

Unfortunately, too much stimulation causes some brains to protect themselves by decreasing their sensitivity to dopamine, and thus to pleasure, for a while.  Obviously, if your brain does this and you are using porn frequently and heavily, your brain doesn't ever have a chance to return to normal sensitivity. You may find yourself clicking to more extreme material to arouse your reward circuitry's numbed pleasure center.

Over time, your brain adapts to this situation with measurable decreases in dopamine signaling. You want more, but experience decreasing satisfaction. This is an addiction process called desensitization. (See Intoxicating Behaviors: 300 Vaginas = A Lot of Dopamine.) Recent research confirms it occurs in behavioral addictions such as gambling, food, video gaming, and Internet addiction (which includes cyber erotica addiction). When desensitized, you experience a numbed response to all so called "natural rewards"—including sex with hotties.

Your reward circuitry is the barometer for "How exciting is this?" so if dopamine signaling (desire) is low, erections are sluggish. Erections only arise when dopamine signals flow from the reward circuitry to the hypothalamus.

Why does Mr. Happy prefer porn?

If desensitization were the whole story, erections would be weak whether the stimulus were a girl, your imagination, or porn. But obviously it's not the whole story, because porn still does the job. In fact, as you try to stop using, porn's impact temporarily increases. This is where sensitized neural pathways come in.

Note: Addiction terminology is confusing. Desensitization refers to a general dialing down of your responsiveness to all pleasure...a baseline change. Sensitization refers to hyper-reactivity/excitement—but only in response to the specific cues your brain associates with your addiction.

If these two neuroplastic changes could speak, desensitization would be moaning, "I can't get no satisfaction" (low dopamine signaling), while sensitization would be poking you in the ribs and saying, "Hey buddy, I got just what you need"...which happens to be the very thing that caused the desensitization. Over time, this dual-edged mechanism has your reward circuitry buzzing at the hint of porn use, but less than enthused when presented with the real deal.

Relapsed to porn once, and even though I didn't get fully erect, I could not believe the intensity of the rush I got when I clicked to the site! Very powerful excitation - tingling, dry mouth, and even trembling. I hadn't felt that kind of rush since I was at the height of puberty and got an unexpected view up a girl's skirt!

Your higher brain forms a feedback loop

So exactly how does sensitization arise? In simple terms, sensitization involves two very normal brain mechanisms taken too far: long term potentiation (LTP), which is the strengthening of synapses, and long term depression (LTD), which is the weakening of synapses.

Long term potentiation (LTP) is the basis of learning and memory. It can be summarized as "nerve cells that fire together, wire together." Memories arise in two steps. First, your reward circuitry signals that an experience is important by sending dopamine to your prefrontal cortex (PFC). The more dopamine the more importance your brain attaches to an experience.

Sensitization - key brain mechanisms

Second, the PFC responds to your "This is important!" signal by (1) knitting together everything associated with the reward, and (2) forming a neural feedback loop heading back to the reward circuitry. Thereafter, any thought, memory, or cue associated with a particular reward activates the pathway, and sets your reward circuitry a buzzin'. It could be smells associated with your favorite burger joint. For a tomcat it could be the hole in the fence that led to a female in heat. For a bird it might be seeing the guy who fills the birdfeeder. Its evolutionary purpose is to help you remember the who, what, where, when and how of sex, food and rock 'n' roll.

Importantly, the feedback loop doesn't run on dopamine. It runs on glutamate. Both neurochemicals have the power to activate "Go get it!" signals in your reward circuitry. Glutamate stimulation is why porn can still ring your chimes even when your reward circuitry has stopped responding to dopamine and real partners. Reward circuit (dopamine) → PFC (associations formed) → feedback loop (glutamate) to reward circuit.

Sensitization: creation of a super-memory

So far, the process is business as usual. Sensitization, however, transforms this normal PFC → glutamate feedback pathway to the reward circuitry into a super-memory in three steps:

    With sensitization, explicit memories (such as facts and events) transform into habits, which are known as implicit memories. Example: knowing how to ride a bike without thinking. Addiction-related implicit memories are like Pavlovian conditioning on steroids—very hard to ignore. When a recently sober alcoholic walks by a bar, all the sounds of laughter and smell of stale beer can whip this sensitized circuit into a frenzy, setting off strong cravings...and possibly eliminating all resolve.
  
    In the past I would get intense sexual cravings to view really extreme, hardcore explicit scenes. But now those types of cravings are diminishing. I'm no longer battling myself to visit a porn site - but rather to wanting to see a really stunning, toned, hot woman...even if she is wearing clothes. It's like I am regressing to a state before hardcore - when more subtle sexual cues could get me excited. This is awesome and exciting! I remember when I got off of sugary drinks years ago - I used to drink 5 or more cola drinks per day. I never thought I was addicted but when I gave them up I wanted a coke badly at every meal. Just having water felt strange. But after sticking with it for about 2 months I was completely past it. Not even any cravings. I did once have a coke since then, and I didn't really like it - I found I actually prefer water.
.
    I've found as I progress, my dreams become more sex-oriented and more surreal, instead of just seeing myself spanking the monkey in front of my computer. Also, I feel more like masturbating when I see an attractive girl when I'm out—instead of feeling like looking at porn. Previously, I never felt like "just masturbating." I always wanted porn.

    I am still getting some porn flashbacks: porn stars or parts of scenes. At the beginning of my reboot, the first couple weeks, these flashbacks would make me strongly consider masturbating or looking at porn. Now, when I get them, I don't really feel the desire to do those things. I get a small rush from seeing those images in my head, but that's about it. I'm able to shake them away fairly quickly and without consequence. Their power is receding.

    In the past I noticed beauty, of course, but never FELT a DESIRE to be with a girl. I directed all my sex drive toward porn. Everything sexual for me WAS porn. I could never think about me, this guy with this d*ck, having real sex with a real girl. Now, I feel like sex is the most natural thing to do. "Hell yeah it's possible for me to have sex. Hell yeah there's a lot of girls out there wanting to have it with me!" Suddenly, self-defeating thoughts seem so stupid and time-wasting. I finally feel what most males feel. And it's awesome.

If porn is the only way you can climax, it means you've wired your brain to the wrong target. It's not that real giggles and wiggles aren't appealing. They are. But while your reward circuitry is desensitized to normal pleasures, your gut-level (actually, brain-level) response to real potential mates is...meh. The only reason the porn signals still do the job is because you've created a neural sledgehammer powerful enough to get a rise out of your numbed reward circuitry—at least while you're actually viewing porn.

Real sex is flirting, touching, being touched, smells, pheromones, connecting and interacting with a person. Internet porn is 2D voyeurism, clicking a mouse, searching, multiple tabs, isolation, constant novelty, a harem, and interacting only with your hand.

To use a sports analogy, which event has your brain been training for? If you want to shoot hoops like a pro, you don't spend your time swinging a golf club. Have years of Internet porn use created a mismatch between what your brain expects and what actually happens during real mating? Time to rewire.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201201/why-do-i-find-porn-more-exciting-partner

ADVANCED BEAUTY TIPS FOR EVERY WOMAN

There are certain practical realities of existence that most of us accept. If you want to catch a bear, you don't load the trap with a copy of Catch-22—not unless you rub it with a considerable quantity of raw hamburger. If you want to snag a fish, you can't just slap the water with your hand and yell, "Jump on my hook, already!" Yet, if you're a woman who wants to land a man, there's this notion that you should be able to go around looking like Ernest Borgnine: If you're "beautiful on the inside," that's all that should count. Right. And I should have a flying car and a mansion in Bel Air with servants and a moat.

Welcome to Uglytopia—the world reimagined as a place where it's the content of a woman's character, not her pushup bra, that puts her on the cover of Maxim. It just doesn't seem fair to us that some people come into life with certain advantages—whether it's a movie star chin or a multimillion-dollar shipbuilding inheritance. Maybe we need affirmative action for ugly people; make George Clooney rotate in some homely women between all his gorgeous girlfriends. While we wish things were different, we'd best accept the ugly reality: No man will turn his head to ogle a woman because she looks like the type to buy a turkey sandwich for a homeless man or read to the blind.
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There is a vast body of evidence indicating that men and women are biologically and psychologically different, and that what heterosexual men and women want in partners directly corresponds to these differences. The features men evolved to go for in women—youth, clear skin, a symmetrical face and body, feminine facial features, an hourglass figure—are those indicating that a woman would be a healthy, fertile candidate to pass on a man's genes.

These preferences span borders, cultures, and generations, meaning yes, there really are universal standards of beauty. And while Western women do struggle to be slim, the truth is, women in all cultures eat (or don't) to appeal to "the male gaze." The body size that's idealized in a particular culture appears to correspond to the availability of food. In cultures like ours, where you can't go five miles without passing a 7-Eleven and food is sold by the pallet-load at warehouse grocery stores, thin women are in. In cultures where food is scarce (like in Sahara-adjacent hoods), blubber is beautiful, and women appeal to men by stuffing themselves until they're slim like Jabba the Hut.

Men's looks matter to heterosexual women only somewhat. Most women prefer men who are taller than they are, with symmetrical features (a sign that a potential partner is healthy and parasite-free). But, women across cultures are intent on finding male partners with high status, power, and access to resources—which means a really short guy can add maybe a foot to his height with a private jet. And, just like women who aren't very attractive, men who make very little money or are chronically out of work tend to have a really hard time finding partners. There is some male grumbling about this. Yet, while feminist journalists deforest North America publishing articles urging women to bow out of the beauty arms race and "Learn to love that woman in the mirror!", nobody gets into the ridiculous position of advising men to "Learn to love that unemployed guy sprawled on the couch!"

Now, before you brand me a traitor to my gender, let me say that I'm all for women having the vote, and I think a woman with a mustache should make the same money as a man with a mustache. But you don't help that woman by advising her, "No need to wax that lip fringe or work off that beer belly!" (Because the road to female empowerment is...looking just like a hairy old man?)

Female Silouhette
But take The Beauty Myth author Naomi Wolf: She contends that standards of beauty are a plot to keep women politically, economically, and sexually subjugated to men—apparently by keeping them too busy curling their eyelashes to have time for political action and too weak from dieting to stand up for what they want in bed. Wolf and her feminist sob sisters bleat about the horror of women being pushed to conform to "Western standards of beauty"—as if eyebrow plucking and getting highlights are the real hardships compared to the walk in the park of footbinding and clitoridectomy. Most insultingly, Wolf paints women who look after their looks as the dim, passive dupes of Madison Ave nue and magazine editors. Apparently, women need only open a page of Vogue and they're under its spell—they sleepwalk to Sephora to load up on anti-wrinkle potions, then go on harsh diets, eating only carrots fertilized with butterfly poo.

It turns out that the real beauty myth is the damaging one Wolf and other feminists are perpetuating—the absurd notion that it serves women to thumb their noses at standards of beauty. Of course, looks aren't all that matter (as I'm lectured by female readers of my newspaper column when I point out that male lust seems to have a weight limit). But looks matter a great deal. The more attractive the woman is, the wider her pool of romantic partners and range of opportunities in her work and day-to-day life. We all know this, and numerous studies confirm it—it's just heresy to say so.

We consider it admirable when people strive to better themselves intellectually; we don't say, "Hey, you weren't born a genius, so why ever bother reading a book?" Why should we treat physical appearance any differently? For example, research shows that men prefer women with full lips, smaller chins, and large eyes—indicators of higher levels of estrogen. Some lucky women have big eyes; others just seem to, thanks to the clever application of eyeshadow. As the classic commercial says, "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline." (If it increases her options, who cares which it is?)

Unfortunately, because Americans are so conflicted and dishonest about the power of beauty, we approach it like novices. At one end of the spectrum are the "Love me as I am!" types, like the woman who asked me why she was having such a terrible time meeting men...while dressed in a way that advertised not "I want a boyfriend" but "I'm just the girl to clean out your sewer line!" At the other extreme are women who go around resembling porn-ready painted dolls. Note to the menopausal painted doll: Troweled on makeup doesn't make you look younger; it makes you look like an aging drag queen.

Likewise, being 50 and trying to look 25 through plastic surgery usually succeeds in making a woman look 45 and fembot-scary—an object of pity instead of an object of desire. Plastic surgery you can easily spot is usually a sign—either of really bad work or of somebody who's gone way over the top with it, probably because she's trying to fill some void in her life with silicone, Juvederm, and implanted butt cutlets. There are women who just want to fix that one nagging imperfection. For others, plastic surgery is like potato chips, as in, "Betcha can't eat just one." A woman comes in for a lunchtime lip job—an injection of Restylane or another plumping filler—and ends up getting both sets of lips done. Yes, I'm talking about labioplasty. (Are your vagina lips pouty?)

Once women start seeing wrinkles and crow's feet, the desperation to look like they were born yesterday often makes them act like it, too. Women want to believe there's such a thing as "hope in a jar"—and there is: hope from the CEO selling the jars that you and millions of others will buy him a new yacht and a chateau in the south of France. There actually is hope to be found in a plastic bottle—of sunblock, the kind that protects against both UVA and UVB rays (the skin-aging ones). But the Beauty Brains, a group of blogging cosmetic scientists, write, "The sad truth is that creams that claim to be anti-aging are not much more effective than standard moisturizing lotions."

French women, too, buy into the idea that there's some fountain of youth at the Clarins counter. But, perhaps because feminism never seeped into mainstream culture in France like it did here, they generally have a healthier and more realistic relationship with beauty, accepting it as the conduit to love, sex, relationships, and increased opportunities. They take pleasure in cultivating their appearance, and in accentuating their physical differences from men. They don't give up on looking after their looks as they age, nor do they tart themselves up like sexy schoolgirls at 50. They simply take pride in their appearance and try to look like sensual, older women.

To understand what it takes to be beautiful, we need to be very clear about what being beautiful means—being sexually appealing to men. And then, instead of snarling that male sexuality is evil, we need to accept that it's just different—far more visually-driven than female sexuality. To focus our efforts, we can turn to an increasing number of studies by evolutionary psychologists on what most men seem to want. For example, the University of Texas' Devendra Singh discovered that men, across cultures, are drawn to a woman with an hourglass figure. Men like to see a wom an's waist—even on the larger ladies—so burn those muumuus, which only reveal your girlish figure in a Category 5 hurricane, and if you don't have much of a waist, do your best to give yourself one with the cut of your clothes or a belt.

Female Silouhette 2
Too many women try to get away with a bait-and-switch approach to appearance upkeep. If you spend three hours a day in the gym while you're dating a guy, don't think that you can walk down the aisle and say "I do...and, guess what...now I don't anymore!" A woman needs to come up with a workable routine for maintaining her looks throughout her lifetime and avoid rationalizing slacking off— while she's seeking a man and after she has one. Yeah, you might have to put five or ten extra minutes into prettying up just to hang around the house. And, sure, you might be more "comfortable" in big sloppy sweats, but how "comfortable" will you be if he leaves you for a woman who cares enough to look hot for him?

Like French women, we, too, need to understand that a healthy approach to beauty is neither pretending it's unnecessary or unimportant nor making it important beyond all else. By being honest about it, we help women make informed decisions about how much effort to put into their appearance—or accept the opportunity costs of going ungroomed. The truth is, like knowledge, beauty is power. So, ladies, read lots of books, develop your mind and your character, exercise the rights the heroes of the women's movement fought for us to have, and strive to become somebody who makes a difference in the world. And, pssst...while you're doing all of that, don't forget to wear lipgloss

More info at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201010/the-truth-about-beauty

Science Reveals the Sexiest…And LEAST Sexy Body Parts

Get turned on from your knee caps? Didn’t think so.

The Frisky explores a recent study at Bangor University and the University Witwatersrand in Johannesburg. A total of 41 erogenous zones on 800 male and female subjects were ranked in order of the order of their sexual arousal levels. Making an appearance on the list of spots of arousal were shoulder blades, ears, inner thighs and lips.

Receiving top ranking for male and female arousal were the genitals. Surprise, surprise.

Knee caps and toes proved to be loathed by many, but I’m sure there is someone getting their rocks off to the backs of knees and toe crevices somewhere in this world.

The fascinating part of the study wasn’t the erogenous spots themselves. Anyone with a significant other could have probably figured these sensitive spots out on a rainy day. The impressive stats of the experiment is that the findings were steady regardless of racial identity, sexual orientation or gender.

“It suggests it is hardwired, built in, not based on cultural or life experiences,” says lead professor, Oliver Turnbull.

As a result of the outcome of this experiment, scientists are now working on the postulate that sexual arousal is a mental process.

More info at: http://collegecandy.com/2013/09/11/sexiest-body-parts/

FIVE HEALTH BENEFITS OF SEX

Being "in the mood" just might help your health. How does a juicy sex life do a body good? Let's count the ways.

1. Less Stress, Better Blood Pressure

Having sex could lower your stress and your blood pressure.

That finding comes from a Scottish study of 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. The researchers put them in stressful situations -- such as speaking in public and doing math out loud -- and checked their blood pressure.

People who'd had sex responded better to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.

Another study found that diastolic blood pressure (the bottom number of your blood pressure) tends to be lower in people who live together and have sex often.

2. Sex Boosts Immunity

Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.

A Wilkes University study had 112 college students keep records of how often they had sex and also provide saliva samples for the study. Those who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of IgA than other students.

3. Sex Burns Calories

Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: Forty-two half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.

"Sex is a great mode of exercise," Los Angeles sexologist Patti Britton says. It takes both physical and psychological work, though, to do it well, she says.

4. Sex Improves Heart Health

A 20-year-long British study shows that men who had sex two or more times a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

And although some older folks may worry that sex could cause a stroke, the study found no link between how often men had sex and how likely they were to have a stroke.

5. Better Self-Esteem

University of Texas researchers found that boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex.

That finding makes sense to sex, marriage, and family therapist Gina Ogden. She also says that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better.

"One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves," she says. "Great sex begins with self-esteem. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."

Of course, you don't have to have lots of sex to feel good about yourself. Your self-esteem is all about you -- not someone else. But if you're already feeling good about yourself, a great sex life may help you feel even better.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex